High Heat (Hotshots) Read online

  She’d probably briefed the doctor—a slim younger guy with dark hair and Doctor Hu embroidered on his white coat—on Rain’s presence, because he didn’t seem at all surprised to find Rain in the exam room with Garrick. And honestly, Rain did make it easier, prodding Garrick to explain more than he might have if alone, and joking enough to keep the energy in the room from getting too heavy.

  Dr. Hu was the kind of person who listened intently, leaning forward on his stool, smiling and nodding, a sort of scientific intensity to his interest, reducing Garrick’s fumbling explanations down to impersonal data.

  “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you’re lucky—a best-case scenario sort of situation. Incomplete injury, enough nerve function to retain continence, some mobility returning, and even the occasional ejaculation. The erectile dysfunction you’re experiencing is incredibly common in situations like yours, and again, luckily, treatable.”

  Lucky. There was that word again that Garrick hated so much. He didn’t like feeling caught between gratitude and doom, self-blame lurking no matter which way he turned.

  “Common meaning normal.” Rain nodded enthusiastically. Another word that Garrick was coming to hate. There had been nothing normal about his life since he fell from that tree, and hearing that others shared his issues wasn’t much comfort as he was trying to defy the odds.

  “Exactly. And just like you’ve learned to deal with the mobility challenges, there are a variety of strategies you can employ here. It helps to have a mindset that not all sex needs to be penetrative.” Dr. Hu’s eyes darted toward Rain, and Garrick would have chuckled had he been less uncomfortable. For his part, Rain looked like he was seconds away from whipping out his phone and taking notes. Garrick tried to listen as Dr. Hu went on, talking about different things to try like various medications and external vibrators of certain frequencies, but it was hard to get past the buzzing in his brain that kept protesting this was not normal, not something he wanted to deal with.

  “Are the pills kind of like my crutches? Something I might not need with enough time?” It would help if he could treat this like the PT, a necessary waystation to get his life back.

  Dr. Hu frowned for the first time since he’d entered the room. “You’re expecting to not need the crutches? Is that the prognosis your neurology team has shared with you? Because your chart... That’s not precisely the conclusion I’m drawing.”

  “I know what the chart says. But I kept the leg when that was in jeopardy. I walked when they said I wouldn’t. I’m going to return to smoke jumping. Beat predictions. I’m still in intense PT—I have to believe more improvements are coming.”

  “Ah. Well, while I’m optimistic for you, I’m also a realist. The medicines—and other interventions—might simply be a part of your new normal. We’ll schedule regular follow-ups, but assuming you keep in good health with stable blood pressure, there’s no reason to put undue pressure on yourself to...perform to certain pre-injury expectations.”

  “Thanks.” Garrick didn’t appreciate that viewpoint, but growling at the doctor wasn’t going to solve anything, so he shoved his increasingly sour mood down. He’d simply have to prove this doctor wrong too, along with everyone else.

  Resolved, he attempted to pay attention to the rest of the appointment, managing a laugh when Rain did in fact take notes on his phone about the specific medicine Dr. Hu wanted to try first.

  “You’ve got the most important element for success—a supportive partner. You’re both very lucky.”

  Not that Garrick didn’t agree that Rain was worth the praise, but he’d had more than enough of that word, and his tone came out surly. “Yeah.”

  Rain gave him a censuring look, making Garrick feel worse for making him deal with this in the first place. Dr. Hu wrapped up the appointment, and then it was time for Rain to drive Garrick into work. Rain’s first day was tomorrow, and he chatted about that as they got underway.

  “So do you want to pick up your prescription after work? I can pick you up if you need a ride.”

  “Tucker’s taking me home. I’ll get to the pharmacy at some point.”

  “Okay.” Rain drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “You know it’s normal to be frustrated, and if you want to talk about it—”

  “I don’t. And I’m tired of hearing what’s normal. None of this is. You can drop the fake cheerfulness. I know this is a pain in the neck for you too—”

  “It’s not fake. I’ve told you, I like helping you, but this isn’t even about that. I like you. I freaking love sex with you. And I’m genuinely excited—for both of us—that you get to have more of it. And if it takes a visit to the pharmacy to make that happen, then that’s hardly a hassle. I’ve had worse dates.” At the next stoplight, he gave Garrick a reassuring grin, one that made guilt snake up Garrick’s back.

  “Sorry. You don’t deserve my bad mood.”

  “No, you don’t deserve your bad mood. But I do understand it. It’s okay. You can be a little grouchy.”

  But it wasn’t okay, and even after he was at work, he continued to feel bad that he’d been snappy at Rain, who didn’t deserve it, and Rain could say it didn’t matter all he wanted, but Garrick had noticed his smile drooping around the edges.

  “So, your friend starts for me tomorrow, and then next week we’ve got that controlled burn. Looking forward to it?” Tucker leaned on Garrick’s desk, expression far more friendly than Garrick was feeling. But he’d been a dick to enough people that day, so he made himself smile.

  “You know it. But what’s up with the weather? Rain all last week and wind this one. Are we going to be able to proceed?”

  “Of course. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right? Might have to improvise somewhat on ignition, but what would be the fun in things going according to plan?” Tucker had a jovial laugh, the kind that made others want to join in, and Garrick felt some of his tension slipping.

  “Huh. You sound like Rain.” And it made Garrick think. Maybe Rain did have a point. Perhaps improvising could be more fun than Garrick had let it be thus far. And determination had gotten him this far. He wasn’t going to back down from a challenge, even if that challenge was trying to be the person Rain deserved. As Tucker laid out plans for the controlled burn, Garrick made some of his own, hoping ignition wouldn’t be an issue for either of them.

  * * *

  Rain was hot, tired, and utterly exhilarated after two days of orientation for his new job. He liked being outdoors, liked the prospect of regular income, liked his coworkers, and liked learning about forestry in a more hands-on way than his college classes. As entry-level technicians, they would be doing a lot of forest maintenance—brush hauling, debris removal, trail grooming—while they waited to be needed in case of emergency. He hated the dress code and wasn’t crazy about being dirty, but that was to be expected, and as he waited outside the headquarters office, he had plans to remedy that situation as soon as possible.

  Even though his immediate crew boss as well as the Ryland guy who had hired him both knew he was friends with Garrick and giving Garrick a ride home, he didn’t want to overly call attention to their friendship, so he waited patiently, working another few rounds on his socks until Garrick appeared. Keeping his greeting friendly but professional, he helped him load up his bag, chair, and crutches.

  “You look exhausted.” Garrick frowned. “I had this idea, but...you look too tired to walk Cookie, let alone be up for a date.”

  “Date?” Rain perked up. “You want to go on a date? I wasn’t aware that we did that.”

  “We kinda have a Friday night thing going,” Garrick pointed out. “And I had this thought, but it definitely falls under date territory, not a friends thing.”

  “Keep talking,” Rain encouraged, mentally figuring out how much coffee he could get away with prior to dinner to make him appear sufficiently awake, because he trul
y wanted to know what Garrick had in mind. A date. Now that was new. And whatever had motivated it, Rain liked it, like Garrick sounding more energetic than he had the past few days.

  “Okay. Well, I need to visit the pharmacy, and for reasons I’d rather not do that in town. If we go into Bend—”

  “I am one hundred percent in favor of any evening that includes the pharmacy.” Rain hoped his smile wasn’t too lecherous, but he’d been worried that maybe Garrick didn’t want to try the new meds or at least not with Rain. It wasn’t that Rain wanted more sex—seeing Garrick on a daily basis, hanging out with him and the dog, making food together and working out, all of that was important and plenty fun too. However, he knew that Garrick wanted more from his sex life and Rain really wanted that for him too.

  “Yeah, I figured you would be. And because I’ve been a major grump and it’s the end of your first week of work, I thought maybe I could treat you to dinner. I know a spot you’ll like—very inclusive and big vegetarian side of the menu. Way I see it, you’re probably itching to get out of uniform.”

  “You know me too well. Yeah. Let’s get home, take care of Cookie, and let me shower and change. Then onward to the pharmacy and dinner.”

  “And after...if you’re not too tired...”

  “I’m not,” Rain lied, because he’d down a six-pack of energy drinks if it meant finding out what Garrick was being cagey about.

  “So the restaurant is downtown, and right nearby is this...upscale adult shop. Boutique sort of place. Not skeevy.”

  “You had me at adult shop.” Rain laughed, already liking where this evening was headed. He turned into their neighborhood, anticipation starting to gather at the base of his spine. “You want to add to your toy collection? I saved the notes in my phone about which frequency vibes the doctor said might help—”

  “Well that, but also I want you to pick something for you. You like to show off, right?”

  “And how. But you don’t have to get me anything. Let’s focus on you—”

  Garrick’s groan cut him off. “Which is kinda exactly what I don’t want to do. I’ve been thinking about this idea off and on for a couple of days now. I love the idea of you picking out something you want me to watch you use. Something you find sexy.”

  “Ah.” As he parked at Garrick’s place, Rain was starting to see the appeal of this idea. It was a great way to get the pressure off Garrick with waiting to see if the meds worked, and going to the store together could be fun in and of itself. “But you don’t have to get me anything. I’ve got some money—”

  “Rain.” Garrick stopped him with a hand on his thigh before Rain could exit the vehicle. “Let me do this? Let me do something nice for you. I want to see you enjoy yourself.”

  “Yeah, but you’re getting dinner. I don’t want you thinking...you owe me or something else weird. Because you don’t. Yeah, you’ve been moody, but the way I see it, you’ve got good reason.”

  “Fair enough, but what do you have against presents? I’ve noticed it before. That’s why I said it was a date—not friends going fifty-fifty on everything. Me wanting to do something special together. Spoil you a little.”

  “You do that a lot already.” Rain’s voice went thick and rough.

  “Yeah, and I like it. I mean, I know this thing is casual, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care for you. And you’re always telling me how much you like helping me. Well, it goes both ways.”

  “Okay.” Rain set his hand on top of Garrick’s, studying their intertwined fingers. “We can have your date. And I’m not trying to be unappreciative. It’s more...it’s rare for me to get things that are just for me. Growing up with two brothers, almost everything was shared, from clothes to toys to books, and everything else was shared with the community at large.” As much as he liked the values he’d learned growing up in the community and always having friends at the ready, this was the less-than-great part, the way nothing had ever felt entirely his own. Coupled with those feelings of invisibility he’d struggled with, it had been tough to count on being heard and count on things he cared about sticking around.

  Garrick nodded like he was waiting for Rain to continue, so he did, even if the memories were making his stomach churn. “If I outgrew something, someone else down the hall could use it. My mom’s big on decluttering. Things I liked had a way of ending up with new owners.”

  “I feel you. Not with possessions so much, but with people for sure. Things I liked had a way of not sticking around.” Garrick’s voice was soft and distant, as he was undoubtedly thinking of his parents’ divorce and the ex-fiancée. “So I get it. It’s hard to trust, even with something small.”

  “Exactly.” A lot of the tension left Rain’s shoulders. Garrick understood him on a level he wasn’t sure he’d ever been understood before. “I became pretty good at getting stuff for myself. And with most of my friends, I’m the one giving. People don’t...exactly go out of their way to do nice things for me. And when they do, it feels...strange.”

  “Well they should.” In an unusual move for him, Garrick leaned in and gave Rain a fast kiss. “And maybe it will feel less weird if you practice.”

  “When you put it that way...” Rain returned the kiss, slower and deeper, trying to convey what he couldn’t find the words for, that this meant something, something more than simply a fun outing. Garrick cared, and he wasn’t afraid to say it or show it. Garrick’s choice of careers alone showed that he was courageous, but this, the way he was forging ahead despite some disappointments, was true bravery on some deeper level. “Bring on the date.”

  He wasn’t sure he’d ever be worthy of Garrick’s sort of heroism, but hell if he didn’t want to try.

  Chapter Ten

  “Well, that’s done.” Garrick sounded like he’d vanquished a dragon as he locked his prescription in Rain’s glove box. He was both cute and exasperating at the same time.

  “Was it really that hard?” Rain gave him what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “Not like the pharmacist made you wear a big sign or something, and she didn’t even give you much in the way of embarrassing warnings.”

  He had completed another few rows on his sock while they waited at the pharmacy, but the big box store wasn’t that crowded for a Friday night, and the way he saw it, they’d been lucky to draw a nice, motherly type of pharmacist who had been chatty about everything other than the subject of their visit.

  “Nah.” Garrick stretched as Rain headed the car toward downtown Bend. “You’re right. This isn’t a big deal to anyone other than me. And I’m making too much of it. It’s hard, letting go of all the messages in my brain saying real guys don’t have trouble getting it up.”

  “Real guys.” Rain snorted. “You know as well as me that that’s a toxic myth. And you’re talking to the guy wearing purple lace underwear. Fuck real-men-don’t messages. Life’s more fun when you stop caring about that shit.”

  “Truth. And now my brain is stuck on visions of your underwear.”

  “Play your cards right and I’ll show you.” Waiting for a red light, Rain gave him a wink. After a few days in regulation forest service clothes, showering and putting on some of his favorites had felt so good, made even better knowing Garrick would appreciate his efforts. He’d grabbed this particular pair already anticipating the heat in Garrick’s eyes. And since Garrick seemed to have a thing for his hair, he’d pulled only half of it up, leaving most of it spilling down over the shoulders of his silver sweater. He’d added boots and skinny black jeans, a decision he was already regretting as the tightness combined with Garrick’s admiring looks had him wiggling around more than was probably socially acceptable. But like he’d told Garrick, fuck acceptable. He was determined to have a good time with this unexpected date night.

  The restaurant Garrick had picked had a discreet rainbow sticker in the window next to their menu, and the atmosphere was the sort of sophisti
cated-yet-quirky that Rain really dug with a mixed adult crowd—lots of friend groups and various pairings likely on dates. The interior was long and narrow with lots of wood and metal details, but the server led them to a table on the expansive back patio where they had more room for Garrick’s chair and more fun people watching for Rain. Cocktails in a huge variety of house specials came in mini mason jars and the menu was full of dishes meant to be shared. And as promised, the menu was about equally divided between imaginative vegetarian fare and bacon-infused everything else. They ordered zucchini fries as an appetizer and were discussing what else to split when two tall, buff guys stopped in front of their table.

  “Garrick, my man!” The older, bigger one looked like an escapee from a motorcycle gang, while the younger one wasn’t that much taller than Rain but ripped in a way that implied he could take almost anyone in a fight. And all the muscles and confidence undoubtedly meant these were more of Garrick’s smoke jumper friends.

  “Linc.” Garrick nodded at the bigger guy. “And Jacob. This is Rain.”

  “Hi.” Now this was suddenly more interesting because this was the pair that Garrick had mentioned a few times, the one he’d tried to use jealousy on to force them to admit their feelings. And Rain was acutely aware of their twin scrutiny on him, his hair going all itchy on the back of his neck and his sweater seeming to shrink to corset tight. He’d lectured Garrick about telling societal expectations to go fuck themselves, but it was easier said than done, especially when these were friends whose opinion Garrick valued.

  “You owe me a twenty.” Jacob bumped Linc’s arm before turning toward Garrick. “We’ve been worried about you, dude. But my theory for your lack of texts was that you were...occupied.”